Zombies

The following is an excerpt of the file Agency 13 keeps on zombies in general. Written by the loquacious Sir Tophat, this guide is a brass tacks description of these mindless undead creatures, from what can cause them to occur to how to end the threat they pose - permanently. Thankfully, the two-fisted Voodoo Houngan didn't 'bless' us with tangential facts and observations - for once.

Zombies!

Everyone these days likes to trot out the zombies. And why not, you ask? They're a highly motivated, if smelly labor force, and are much cheaper to produce than robots - ask that Industrio fellow! But the truth is that they are much more dangerous than other choices one could make in such a regard. You see, besides the fact that they're constantly decomposing, a state of zombie-hood is highly contagious.

It seems something about the process that reanimates a dead human into zombie-hood causes the condition to transmit from the zombie to living humans quite easily. Whether the zombie you're dealing with came about as a result of a natural virus, a bizarre compound or even magical interference, it seems that their bite will always carry the pathogen that will convert humans into more of their own kind.

Not that most zombies do so intentionally; while zombies lack a guiding intelligence of their own, they are often compelled for reasons unknown to attack the living. It's not as though they have a metabolism to fuel, so the reason why zombies attack and attempt to consume the living is unknown. Similarly, the reason some zombies crave brains (and say so, ad nauseam) is also a mystery.

But the point is they do, which is why they're so dangerous. If left unattended, a zombie will eventually convert an entire populace of living humans into a colony of its own kind. As such, it is important to know how to prevent infection in the first place, as well as how to combat zombies - whether or not they've reached a critical population explosion yet.

The first thing to make sure of is that the zombie (or zombies) cannot bite you. The simplest way to prevent them from doing so is to wear protective clothing; as long as they cannot bite through it, zombies cannot infect you with their scourge. However, zombies are strong, and in large enough numbers can tear your protection away - if not just tear you apart entirely.

So once you have your protective clothing, it falls upon you to decrease the zombie population around you until it is no longer a threat; in other words, kill them all! Zombies are surprisingly durable, and will continue to function despite their many injuries until their brain is destroyed. Severed parts will no longer move, but even a disembodied head can still bite you unless it has been brained.

The easy way to manage this is with a gun or other projectile weapon; if attacked from a distance, the zombie cannot get to you. Lacking the luxury of range, one can attack the zombie in hand-to-hand combat, preferably with a weapon in hand. This at least puts the creature at arms length, allowing you to either bludgeon or stab its brain to deactivate it. Failing all this, there are the martial arts.

Sometimes a sufficient kick to the head can render a zombie inert, if powerful enough. Multiple punches may achieve the same result in time, if you have it - often not the case when multiple zombies come calling. If unarmed against a zombie horde, and you lack special abilities to speak of, it may be a good time to flee if possible, for if you do not the odds of your survival are astronomically poor.

If not eaten by a zombie attacker (or attackers), a human bitten by them will likely join their ranks. While special abilities may mitigate this threat, the vast majority of the populace does not have such luxuries. Once successfully infected, a human will quickly die as the zombification factor (the virus or chemical or whatever) takes hold of their body. And then, in time, they will rise again.

You may think with them being such a dire danger, no one would willingly create zombies. Sadly you are wrong, as many paths to power include the means of raising zombie minions. As long as they remain under control, they can be a safe enough proposition - assuming you have enough disinfectant around to counter the less obvious danger of a zombie labor force: they are rotting, and thus carry disease aplenty.

The problem is when some well-meaning hero defeats the master of said zombies and does not clean up the mess afterwards, or when even natural causes claim a creator of these monsters. Or worst of all, when nature malfunctions somehow and causes zombies to spontaneously generate, thanks to a mutant virus or such. The latter is what causes the worst outbreaks, because usually no one will see it coming.

It is important to keep in mind that while these are the most common zombies one will encounter, there are others. Some variants of the common zombie include those which can move much faster than at the usual, shambling gait, some which retain greater than vegetable intelligence upon their 'rebirth', and some truly frightening types who have both of these qualities - they make for a very lethal encounter.

Additional zombie files include the following:

Boo-Getty: Redneck Zombie: transformed into a so-called 'greater zombie' by a mad wizard with designs on global domination, Jeb Jacobs instead decided to use his newfound physical power and renewed life to further his own ends, and not his re-creator's. Availability:

Jurgium Eternus: zombified during an archeological dig, Marvin Artichoke retained his mind despite losing his sanity. Bent on revenge for the fate which has befallen him, Marvin assumed the name of Jurgium Eternus, and plans to spread his curse to all! Availability:

Undead Girl: remade into a so-called 'greater zombie' by a mad wizard with designs on global domination, Katrina Wexley decided that this wasn't so bad... as long as her creator wasn't a part of the mix. Rebelling, she's launched her own crime spree as the Undead Girl! Availability:

Yorick the Yogi: rising from the dead after his death at the hands of an unknown chemical compound in Lódz, recent college graduate Yorick Jameson was tragically left with his full mind intact - despite his unyielding hunger for delicious human flesh...! Availability:

Zombies (Typical): whether raised by magic or chemicals or viruses, zombies are a grave (pardon the pun) threat to humanity as a whole. Though usually mindless and incredibly awkward, zombies can be tenacious in their pursuit, and terrifying in large numbers. Availability:

Zombies, Greater (Typical): like their mindless brethren, greater zombies can rise due to the intervention of magic, chemicals or viruses. However, they're stronger and more intelligent, qualities that make them far more dangerous than their shambling 'relatives'. Availability:

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