Pixies

The following is an excerpt of the file Agency 13 keeps on pixies in general. As is the case with most of the Post-modern Girl's investigations into the bizarre, this is a mostly personalized summarization of her encounters with these entities, smattered with enough research to make it vaguely viable as a reference. Or, at the very least, a cautionary tale about pixies, and what not to do around them!

So I drew the shortest straw (aha), and Mike 013 gave me the job of digging up practical information about these pixie things. He'd heard from Sir Tophat who'd heard from some ghost of a dead hippie or something that they weren't just mythic fantasies, so I did a bit of research to get the general idea of what I should do. And, sure enough, the library told me I should go to the U.K.

Well, to Scotland in particular. And I did! I got to see a lot of the country on the Agency's dime, which I'm sure Mike wasn't too happy with, but I did use the 'opportunity' to ask around about pixies. I heard a lot about the little guys that matched up with what I'd read in the library - I noticed the internets were particularly useless in this regard - but folks here took them a tad more serious.

I started poking around in wooded areas whenever I could, trying to find signs of the wee beasties. And I call them beasties because that's just what they are! The first time I actually encountered pixies for real was when a bunch of them whambushed me while I had my head in a tree stump. They caused me to slip and, before I could get my head out of that dead tree, they gave me a wedgie I won't soon forget.

The second time I encountered a bunch of them was when I was trying to get some payback on the first group. I was stalking around and kicking things trying to uncover one of the little brats when I fell into a pit trap - which had a rope snare at the bottom. I wound up dangling from a tree for three hours because one of them managed to swipe my arm before I could use it to snap the rope. Argh!

'Course, he didn't know that the stump it plugs into has a homing beacon in case I ever 'lose' my arm (you wouldn't think that was necessary, but there you go), so I just followed it until it led me to its thief. Its tiny, tiny thief. I considered just stomping on the fellow but since being 'me' didn't seem to help before, I asked very nicely for him to give my arm back. He looked at me funny for a second, and then he did!

Seamus Shish Kebab took a liking to me after that, so I interrogated him a bit. He was actually fun to talk to, if kind of hard to understand with his insane accent, but didn't really tell me a whole lot. He mentioned the blue coloration he and his fellows tend to have was from tattoos, so I asked him if they were descended from ancient Picts like I'd read... but he didn't really know.

He had no clue about the origins of his people, so he couldn't verify or debunk the myths I'd found. Some said they were the incarnation of children who died before being baptized (instead of winding up in some Limbo or whatever), while others said they were former Druids who rejected Christianity, and slowly shrank to their current size as a result. Either way, both of these ideas sounded rather silly to Seamus.

But then pixies don't really dwell on the past... or the future. They don't really seem to age, and thus don't really care about anything aside from the now. This is why they usually go to great lengths to amuse themselves, often wielding their minor magics and ability to easily hide out of sight to confound humans - it's good fun for them! That's when they don't dedicate themselves to specific pursuits, like exploration.

Pixies love to discover new things, which is often why they steal curiosities from humans, or range far and wide in their search for virgin territory. This is why you can really find a pixie anywhere on earth - though their populations are still greatest in the U.K., sole pixies and entire pixie families have colonized (though some would say infested) every major continent - even Antarctica!

As for what to expect from a pixie, don't. Sometimes they'll be out for fun, sometimes they'll be a bit more menacing. Some are very adept in the use of their stolen faerie magic, while others excel in the use of a blade above and beyond the skills of their brethren. Some travel in rag-tag packs and some explore the world by themselves. They'll never really fit into human society, nor do they care to; they're all fierce individuals.

And just plain fierce!

What's interesting is that I did managed to talk Seamus into giving me a tissue sample - albeit a miniscule one - though I had to let him smack his friends around with my arm for a few hours for fun in exchange. We ran a check on his D.N.A. compared to a human baseline, and oddly enough, the machine couldn't detect a difference. Which means whatever makes a pixie a pixie goes beyond mere biology.

And may have something to do with fairies. Between what little I could get out of Seamus about them and what we already know about those tiny little creatures, I'd hazard a guess that they were involved in whatever caused pixies to change from normal men and women to what they are today. Whether or not they were willing, pixies seem to hate their fellow wee folk these days, so perhaps the fairies hoodwinked them somehow.

It wouldn't be the first time they pulled the wool over the eyes of some unsuspecting saps, after all.

Additional pixie files include the following:

the Half-pint Horror-show: captured for study by the Society of Explicated Brethren, Horace promptly escaped, leaving a bloodbath in the process. Lost in the wilds of Central America, he eventually became a founding member of the monster hunting Variety Show! Availability:

Satan's Little Elf: an ill-tempered lout, the pixie known only as Satan's Little Elf has learned how to grow himself to about half a normal human's size, a trick he uses to engage in a petty and relentless crime spree posing as one of Santa's little helpers. Availability:

Seamus Shish Kebab: after a chance encounter with a particularly tough and inquisitive human, Seamus Shish Kebab decided to learn more about them, and now wanders the highways and byways of the world while meeting (and occasionally pranking) them! Availability:

Twinkle This: incredibly old, Brigh is one of the few remaining original pixies. She's not inactive by any means though, for she remembers what the Fey have done to her people - and works incessantly to get revenge by serving as a familiar to human mages. Availability:

Pixies (Typical): the diminutive pixies were once simple humans, but have drifted away from the mundane world and all its silly constraints. Living through the ages and blessed with minor magic skills, pixies like to amuse themselves at humanity's expense. Availability:

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