the Scientific College of Frankology

The following is a direct interview with Alan Frankowitz, the founder and current leader of the Scientific College of Frankology, conducted by Agent Deathmonger, Agency 13's single most reliable investigator. The interview text has been 'enhanced' by further investigative work by various Agency 13 members working to ensure that Frankowitz wasn't just pulling Deathmonger's leg - Mike 013.

Agent Deathmonger: So you're the infamous Alan Frankowitz, founder of the so-called Frankological Movement and general bane of religious peoples everywhere?

Professor Frankowitz: Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say 'bane', but yes, that would be me. And you, my friend, would be... that Shaw fellow that's been looking into my past. Coffee?

Agent Deathmonger: No thanks, I've always been an iced tea man, myself. Tell me a little bit about yourself. What exactly caused you to form this rather... odd philosophy?

Professor Frankowitz: Marie? Could you bring me one coffee and one iced tea, please? Thanks. Anyway, my story started in the Egyptian embassy back in the sixties, when my family was savagely wiped out as a sacrifice to the so-called God of Evil, Set. His cronies, those rotten redheaded monsters, skinned my parents and sister alive, and then burnt them at the stake.

After that, you can bet I wasn't a happy camper. I'd been off goofing around with some local friends and when I came home, I found out what had happened from a totally unfeeling government lackey, who tried to cart me off to an orphanage despite the fact that I was a British citizen. So, I ran away, and hid in the streets of Cairo for a couple of days before he found me.

He of course being Abraham, this wandering monk from the Cult of Isis who knew that I was alive, and that Set's followers were after me. He took me in for a time, taught me how to defend myself, and over time, showed me various things that led me to believe that all organized religions, even if they sought to do good, were ultimately a serious detriment to the evolution of human society.

You see, soon after we'd wiped that particular band of Set lovers off the face of the earth, Abraham showed his true colors at last. I'd trusted him for three years, and that villain was only grooming me for membership in his bloody Cult, regardless of what I may have felt about the matter. I left him and his band of followers after that, and came to America to attain a philosophy degree.

I had to protect others from my fate.

This has been mostly verified. Frankowitz was the son of Britain's ambassador to Egypt back in '66, and his family was killed horribly, though the perpetrators were never found. It has been documented that Frankowitz vanished between then and 1971, and Cairo police suspects his involvement in many Mosque bombings during this time, though this has never been proven - Senor Barnett.

Agent Deathmonger: I see. So you came up with the Frankologist principles while in college here in the States, then? Or did your philosophy occur to you right after that incident with Abraham?

Professor Frankowitz: Both, I suppose. I was really angry at all religion back then, but my time in school allowed me to put everything into perspective, and with my degrees I was able to at least make my beliefs respectable. So, it was rather easy to build the Scientific College of Frankology here in New York City, as almost everybody could get grants back then for that sort of thing.

Agent Deathmonger: Not that you need grants to support your organization now, of course. Your membership fees generate quite a lot of income, don't they?

Professor Frankowitz: Yes and no. We do charge our members a slight fee, mostly to maintain the College, to support our special activists abroad, and to help support several worthy causes throughout the city. The fees are a very small percentage of each member's individual incomes though, so one doesn't have to be a rich man to be a card-carrying Frankologist.

This is also true. However, Frankowitz has also been investing these membership fees in several corporations, and virtually throwing money at various city officials' pet programs, which has caused them to turn a blind eye whenever the Frankologists are up to something. Nobody seems to notice this, however, and common city folk just love Frankologists these days - Mike 013.

Agent Deathmonger: All right. Describe to me the essential Frankologist idea. Are you just glorified atheists or something else altogether? I'm just a tiny bit unclear about this...

Professor Frankowitz: No problem. Essentially, the idea behind Frankology is that people ought to be able to decide for themselves how the universe works, without the 'benefit' of any sort of organized religion, what with their holy books, priests, and their perceived authority influencing a body one way or the other. We don't mind religion, we just believe that it should be personal.

Agent Deathmonger: Well, that sounds nice, but what about some of the specific attacks you've made on other religions, especially several of those newer faiths that've shown up in the last ten years, like the Warriors of Thor and the Church of Hercules? In fact, haven't the Herculeans put a price on your head for that whole steroids debacle? That's not all that Utopian, now.

Professor Frankowitz: Ha ha ha! Are they still mad about that? Is it my fault that I accidentally found those crates full of steroids in their main church here in New York? I mean, I was simply touring the building when those pills popped up in their weight training complex. I can't help it if the media has made them a laughing stock since. It's not like I told the reporters where they were, or anything...

Actually, he did. I personally talked to the investigative reporter that broke the Herculean Steroids Scandal, and he told me that a 'refined British man' told him exactly where to find the cache of muscle-building drugs in the Herculean complex. I'm tempted to think Frankowitz planted them there, but I can't see how he got two tons of the stuff in the building unnoticed - Agent Deathmonger.

Agent Deathmonger: And the Hammer bombings? I know for a fact that Frankologists were behind both bombings of the Warriors of Thor's lodge last year, as several of them went to prison for that.

Professor Frankowitz: True, true. But the Scientific College of Frankology wasn't behind that; those terrible acts were the work of extremists. You'll get them in any philosophy or faith, Mr. Shaw, as I'm sure you understand. The College doesn't condone any such acts of violence, even if every religion on the planet would like you to believe so.

Ain't that the truth. Though only a few violent acts against religious folks or structures have been traced back to Frankologists (whether they were sanctioned by the College or not), there have been twenty-three distinct firebombings, arson attempts, and downright demolitions targeted against the Scientific College of Frankology since it's official founding in 1975 - Senor Barnett.

Agent Deathmonger: So you're telling me that you have no ulterior motives, then, and aren't out to start any violence or anti-holy war, like some would have me believe?

Professor Frankowitz: Not at all. Whoever told you that is probably in league with one of several fanatical 'faiths' who've vowed to destroy us, like the Knights of the Moral Majority or the Plebian Federation. These fools use the shroud of religion to perpetrate their own agendas of world domination, and are the true types of religious criminals that we, as Frankologists, strive to defeat.

I recommend, Mr. Shaw, if you wish to investigate any sort of non-religious institution, that you look into the actions of these heinous villains. They are the real threat to not only Frankology, but to Americans as a whole, as nobody believes that they are capable of the savage crimes they perpetrate in the name of their so-called faith. They're fascists.

Investigations into these two groups are indeed in progress, and the Professor may be onto something. It is recommended that agents acquire Frankowitz's files on these organizations to facilitate such research. They're undoubtedly biased, but at least he's been keeping an eye on their actions for much longer than us. The same goes for his files on other religious institutions - Mike 013.

Agent Deathmonger: Well, I must be going, Professor Frankowitz. Thank you for your time, and thank you for the iced tea. That was one of the best I've had in a good long time.

Professor Frankowitz: Not a problem, Mr. Shaw. Or was that Major? I don't mind answering questions about my passion, or my life's work. It was a pleasure meeting you.

It is with great annoyance that I note that it seemed that Frankowitz knew as much about me as I, in turn, knew about him. It stands to reason that he is aware of the all-out investigation that the Agency has performed on him, and he may even be aware of the copies I made of his 'secret' files on various religious groups of dubious motives. We should be careful around Professor F. - Agent Deathmonger.

Agent Deathmonger: It's Mister. I retired from the Army years ago. And the feeling is mutual, Professor. You have a nice day, now, and don't do anything that I wouldn't.

The following information is that I've managed to pick up about Professor Frankowitz and his devoted Frankologist followers. In addition to the Professor himself, I have investigated a number of additional noteworthy Frankologists over time. The following is a detailed file on each of these direct action philosophers that seem to have ascendant abilities... or are otherwise noteworthy. - Agent Deathmonger.

the Acrimonious Apostate: Ethel Rhea was a professional bodybuilder who originally found the Church of Hercules appealing - until she discovered its vast corruption. Losing her faith entirely, she eventually became a Frankologist! Availability:

the Acrimonious Apostate (MSH Classic)

the Acrimonious Apostate (4C System)

the Acrimonious Apostate (Marvel Saga)

the Cyborg in the Red Suit: paralyzed by a religious mob in his home town, Leland Renault has nursed a grudge against the faithful for years. Given extensive implants by Wizardyne as an experiment, he can now freely act out his revenge fantasies! Availability:

the Cyborg in the Red Suit (MSH Classic)

the Cyborg in the Red Suit (4C System)

the Cyborg in the Red Suit (Marvel Saga)

Faith Antithesis: after her life was ruined by so-called holy men as a child, Faith Anise has waged a one-woman war against organized religions of all stripes. Whether they exist as mere local cults or span the entire globe, Faith will fight them! Availability:

Faith Antithesis (MSH Classic)

Faith Antithesis (4C System)

Faith Antithesis (Marvel Saga)

the Godless Dandy: after the death of his wife, Maxwell 'Maximum' Buckner dedicated to his life to philanthropy. Becoming a Frankologist after greedy priests tried to prey on his grief, he then weapnonized his charity against them! Availability:

the Godless Dandy (MSH Classic)

the Godless Dandy (4C System)

the Godless Dandy (Marvel Saga)

Professor Frankowitz: this former British citizen was forever changed when his family was massacred by the Cult of Set. Developing an intense disdain for religion, Alan developed his unique philosophy and brought it to America as his Scientific College! Availability:

Professor Frankowitz (MSH Classic)

Professor Frankowitz (4C System)

Professor Frankowitz (Marvel Saga)

Frankologists (Typical): coming from various walks of life, Frankologists all share a few common traits, such a couple of minor belief-based psionics - not to mention an unbridled hatred for organized religion and its many and varied supporters. Availability:

Frankologists (Typical, MSH Classic)

Frankologists (Typical, 4C System)

Frankologists (Typical, Marvel Saga)

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