the Electronicists' League
The following is a journal entry written by Transistorized Ted, leader of the Electronicists' League, which was surreptitiously sent to Agency 13's public e-mail address. Perhaps Ted wanted us to know that he knows we know about him. With a loon like him, who can tell? - Mike 013.
It was amusing watching Seņor Barnett attempt to fake his way into the League. Little did he know that I had already looked into him and his little band of 'direct action investigators' living out in Elk Snout, Nebraska - or whatever their hole in the earth is called.
This, of course, because my own unerring nose for advanced technology told me about the little secret that his group, this Agency 13, have down in their basement. A cross-temporal transference platform, how novel. If only I could get that Mike Jensen to join the League.
But I digress. When Barnett showed up one day, ostensibly to join our League of Electronicists, I couldn't help but laugh. Not to his face, of course, because he'd surely realize that I knew. And if he knew that I knew, he probably wouldn't have paid his membership dues.
As Barnett well knew, perhaps from studying us in variant timelines, one cannot simply write a check to the League to join. No, one must offer up a piece of technology to the League that it can share with its membership. Anything new to us will usually do quite nicely.
I suppose it was wishful thinking to hope Barnett would've gifted us with one of Jensen's Transfinitrons, but I have to admit that I did appreciate what the man brought to the table. This 13.33 version of MOSS (Mikaela Operating System - Secure) was quite a piece of work!
According to the comments one Mikaela 101 neglected to scrub from her work, this version of her MOSS is a good decade old, but it easily surpasses anything the League had access to. And since it's unique on this world, nobody has made viruses to attack it yet.
Except perhaps its creator... which is a point to ponder, I'm sure. Nonetheless, I've directed the IT cranks to install MOSS throughout our various systems, because after taking it apart line by line, I can see it will improve our computer efficiency by at least four hundred percent.
Thank you, Agency 13. And we'll make sure to ask for an upgrade soon - since this is old software!
As for Barnett, he made a point of getting into our networks before we even upgraded them to MOSS - which I found odd, as I'd assumed the software 'donation' was a prelude to a 'back door' smash and grab to get at our secret files. No, Barnett did this in a curious fashion.
Even I must admit that, for all my peering into the doings of Agency 13, I didn't know that Barnett had technopsionic powers. What I'd dug up about him indicated that he was a serious Luddite after all, quite unlike his son, the high tech vigilante known as Hate Ball.
But no, though our servers were well protected from conventional hackers, they simply couldn't cope with someone possessing his particular abilities, which allowed him to learn just what the League is really about. Though truth be told, I'm sure the Agency already knew.
Our vast sponsorship of high tech scholarships for would-be geniuses is well known, after all, as is the fact that it's funded by our strategy of patenting incremental increases in the effectiveness of already extant technologies. It's amazing how much money this makes us, really.
Of course, the world at large probably doesn't know that we have developed things far in advance of that which we've patented, or that we secretly 'seed' the minds of corporate and military technicians with some of our ideas to hide their true origins.
How better to avoid the ire of the Bureau of Ascendant Humans, after all?
But why give away so much, when we could simply use the potential money to be made to, say, take over our own country? Why, to bring about the Singularity, of course! While people know we advocate for the coming Change fervently, they don't know how hard we work to bring it about.
All of this would probably not be so bad, save for what Barnett learned in those membership dossiers he stole before that migraine knocked him unconscious. While some members of the League aren't all that bad, quite a few of them are downright criminally insane.
But we keep them around because, well, they're also geniuses. And these types help us out when some villain or other comes to us with their hand out, asking for help in the development of some dastardly technology or other they plan to use to conquer earth. Or Nevada. Or whatever.
We don't always do this, because really, we've already mastered death rays. But when some madman comes to us with a novel idea for a whole new technology, how can we refuse to help them out? I mean, once we develop said technologies, we can add them to our own roster!
I imagine the public at large wouldn't think our 'steampunk' antics and vast financial concerns were so harmless if they knew we were responsible for, say, that huge earthquake in Poughkeepsie, New York. Or that time Netflix ™ played naught but Charlie Chaplin movies for a week.
While the latter was a simple attempt to master the means to commandeer all Internet traffic for our own purposes, the former was a bit more troublesome, I'll admit. We weren't expecting that particular landmark to come crashing down on that coffee shop - sorry about that.
But anyway. I'm preaching to the choir here, or I suppose myself. Which isn't really all that bad, since I always like what I've got to say, but it's not a really efficient use of my time. Or yours, you naughty Agency 13 people. I think we've revealed enough to you lot, don't you?
Before his brain shut down from the psychic trauma caused by 'hacking' the League's computers, Seņor Barnett prepared these reports on the League's most notorious members for us. Though him falling into a coma for a month seems too great a price to pay for this data. - Mike 013
the Copyright Infringer: a genius with an idealistic belief in the free exchange of information, Henri Bisque does his level best to 'hack' any and all data to share it with the masses - no matter whose pocketbook is hurt in the process! Availability:
Crystalline: an inventive genius decades ahead of her peers, Becky Abrams has a knack for repurposing existing technology in new and exciting ways. The ultimate product of her genius, in fact, allows her to adventure as the mighty heroine, Crystalline! Availability:
the Force Exponentializer: struck with inspiration after nearly electrocuting himself while working on a ceiling-mounted projector, young Wilbur Queller subsequently developed radical force-shaping technology - which he uses to act as a high tech vigilante! Availability:
Old Gruff: veteran of dozens of failed schemes to take over the universe, or at least some small corner of such, Barry Grueber is a rare mad scientist who has survived his many miscalculations. Which is one reason the League keeps him as a member! Availability:
Quentin's Quirky Quack: Quigley Quirtsquip is a quandary, a man with a genetic quirk that lets him reorder the physiology of others at a whim. Developing this skill as something of an experimental doctor, he's become known as Quentin's Quirky Quack! Availability:
Seņor Barnett: though he joined the Electronicists just to spy on them, Seņor Barnett nonetheless gave the League advanced software they use to this very day as the price of his group admission - and could presuambly exploit that at some point. Availability:
the Solder Monkey: though he looks like a primitive brute, the degenerate known as Bolivar Tweed is cursed with a super-human intellect. Pushed to the edge by humanity's rejection of his simian aspect, Tweed intends to destroy them all - as the Solder Monkey! Availability:
the Swinging Sultan: a would-be bounty hunter with a robot fetish, Ed volunteered to be one of the Electronicists' League's first cyborg guinea pigs, and miracuously survived. Donning a 'sultan' costume, he then began to make quite a name for himself! Availability:
Transistorized Ted: melding magic with technology to bring the products of his imagination to life, Ted can readily be considered something of a mad scientist. He even founded the Electronicists' League, a club of technological outliers! Availability:
Yash Alloy: something of an extreme body modification enthusiast, Yash Venkatasubramanian yearns to replace his entire body with artificial enhancements. Having invented a revolutionary electroneural interface, he just might achieve his goal! Availability:
League Electronicists (Typical): while those who become members of the Electronicists' League are typically individualists, they nonetheless share several common characteristics. And many use the technology readily available through their membership! Availability:
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